Oh yeah, did you watch the game last night?” Here’s what to avoid saying when someone has shared something difficult with you.
5 types of sympathetic responses to avoid I used to think that these terms were interchangeable, until I was introduced, in the English lecture I took in my first term at UBC, to this video on empathy, which drove home the distinction-in less than 3 minutes.Īs researcher Brené Brown points out, whereas “empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.” Empathy means feeling with others and taking their perspective-without, as sympathy tends to do, “silver lining” the problem.Īlong with watching Brown’s video, I read articles related to empathy for class (like this one) and learned to change the way I engage in conversations.Īlthough I’m far from being an expert, I see the value of what I learned ( and am still learning) about sympathy and empathy, and about what to say (and not say) to a friend who’s hurting. The Oxford English Dictionary defines sympathy as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune” and empathy as the “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Differentiating between sympathy and empathy That’s when knowing the difference between sympathetic and empathetic responses can help. To help others feel heard and less alone, we can choose words that validate what they are experiencing, rather than gloss over their feelings. Maybe it’s easier to think about an ex (or someone who's ghosted you) than to forget. Maybe it’s not about the mark, but the heavy toll on self-worth. The thing is: maybe things aren’t okay, and won’t be for a long while. We ask ourselves, “Did I say something.wrong?” The result: a slump, a sniffle, a shoulder sag. Sometimes, despite our best attempts to provide comforting words, what we say can make the person feel worse instead. “He’s not that good for you anyway-just, like, move on.” How do you respond when people you care about tell you they’re going through something difficult?
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